28 (a date that reads: to infinity)

9.00 am yesterday i was awaken by a phone call from abroad. the magic jack tone just blew my eardrums, i can’t just ignore it so i picked it up. loaded with my nonsense morning thoughts, i spoke nothing but “uhhh.. yeah. hmmm..” my aunts just decided to hang up.

i realized i was alone in our house. my mama went to the public market to buy our supplies for a week. we’d be transferring to project 4 today. i felt irritated seeing all the clutter on our dark closed house. i grabbed my cell phone to find relief from the couple of group messages i receive everyday. i expected some jokes, sweet pms or just religious thoughts. then i saw his name on the new events list - G. psyko.. the message read:

“Goodmorning my one n only <3 

(happy monthsary)

:(

instead of relief, i found guilt. i don’t like the idea that i cause sadness to him or to any other person. however, i can’t risk my decision of putting us in this status because of that guilt. i am not impulsive anymore. i just asked him not to be sad. that’s all. i didn’t utter any word in connection with this to withdraw the stress. it left my mind for quite a while but at night i pondered on it. supposedly, it’d be our second monthsarry. time flies. the first month was just like yesterday. i can still recall everything in great detail -the excitement and the disappointment. well, nobody wants this kind of relationship; relationship wherein everything’s obscure, no formality, no assurance, no guarantee. i hate it but i got no choice. i feel sorry for him because i let him wait without my pledge. 

though twenty-eight may still be a special day for us, i don’t want bitterness to dominate. i have been patient all the time to understand him and i’m glad he is too when it comes to this. :) may the days to come be filled with new memories and inspiration. past is experience. no regrets, no bitterness, just lessons learned :)